Ah, The New York Times. The self-proclaimed “paper of record.” Where else can you find a publication that offers you a smorgasbord of content ranging from hard-hitting journalism to 3000-word essays on avocado toast? It’s the newspaper equivalent of that one friend who tries to be everything to everyone and ends up being really annoying.
The Headlines that Write Themselves
Ever noticed how The New York Times headlines seem to be written by a committee of sleep-deprived interns who just finished a sociology lecture?
- “Why Millennials Are Killing the Mayonnaise Industry”
- “The Existential Crisis of the Urban Chicken Farmer”
- “Are Left-Handed People Real? An Investigative Report”
I mean, come on. Are we reading a newspaper or the rejected titles for “The Onion”?
The Opinion Section aka The Hot Take Factory
The NYT Opinion section is like a perpetual motion machine of hot takes. They churn out columns faster than you can say “contrarian for clicks.” And nothing is off-limits. Nothing.
- “Is Water Wet?”
- “Pineapple Pizza is a Symbol of Late Capitalism”
- “Why Watching Paint Dry is the New Mindfulness”
It’s like they have a dartboard covered with random topics and they just throw darts to decide what to write next.
The Arts and Leisure Department
Ever wanted to read 2,000 words dissecting the “cultural significance” of a TikTok dance? Or maybe a deep-dive into the “aesthetic nuances” of Harry Styles’ latest outfit?
And let’s not forget their film reviews. Ever notice how every indie film is a “tour de force” while every blockbuster is “a soulless cash grab”? Newsflash, NYT, people watch movies to be entertained, not to have an existential crisis.
The Infamous Corrections Section
Even the mighty Mercilessly Make Fun of NYT occasionally stumbles, and when they do, boy is it a sight to behold. Their corrections section is a masterclass in humblebragging.
“Correction: An earlier version of this article misidentified the main ingredient in guacamole. It is avocados, not ‘a green mushy thing.’ We regret the error.”
“Correction: In yesterday’s paper, we stated that the Earth orbits the sun. We meant to say the moon. Apologies for any confusion.”
At least they own up to their mistakes, right?
Conclusion
Mercilessly Make Fun of NYT remains a bastion of… something. Whether it’s their earnest yet bewildering headlines, their never-ending stream of hot takes, or their arts section filled with cultural navel-gazing, they never fail to keep us scratching our heads. Here’s to you, NYT. Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.
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